So even though I am single (and have been for 26 years), I have tried to be a strong, independent, “I don’t need a man,” career girl who loves Jesus, her family, and her friends. I come up with many reasons why I am single and should be single. I wave my feminist flag. I wave the “Jesus is my boyfriend” flag. I wave my “I am woman. Here me roar” flag. Some days I feel great as a single person. But there are some days where I feel annoyed being single.
There are some days where the flags don’t do anything. There are days where the reasons why I am single don’t help. Even encouragement and empowerment from other women do not help. I find myself jiggling and being anxious. Will I find someone? I am just going to be alone like this? Why is there not at least a prospect? Is there something wrong with me? Am I coming on too intense? Where did I go wrong? My jiggling starts turning into an anxious earthquake of emotions.
I know what you are going to say.
- Bianca, God is preparing you in this season for your husband.
- Bianca, a relationship is just so much; believe me, you are better off single
- Bianca, be content
- Bianca, it’s ok to wait..
- You are a great person, Bianca and God has someone especially made for you.
- etc. etc. etc. blah blah
I have heard all of these and then some. But I am being truthful. It is not easy to be single and not fool around. It is not easy when 99.9% of your friends are in relationships or married. It is not easy to see your social media filled with babies, boyfriends, engagement ring selfies, cute couples hashtags, etc. It is not easy where your once single lady alliance decreases because your single friends are finding love while you are STILL waiting. It is not easy to be set apart with the world telling you to let your freak flag fly and experiment. It is not easy…
There are moments when Mama B has “jiggle moments.” My mind moves quick in thoughts of “Is my singlehood permanent?” “What is next besides graduation and work?” I believe it is a normal feeling to have but it should not be a feeling that overtakes and overwhelms.
So to my single friends (wherever you are), it’s ok to hurt and jiggle but don’t let your jiggling be an anxious natural disaster. Keep picking yourself up. We are gonna be just fine.