So I had a moment. I got into a very heated debate with my mom and sister about weddings (my sister and I are not engaged…so don’t worry). I was talking about how I want to plan the perfect wedding and that I am ok with a year-long engagement. My mom and sister grossly disagreed and felt no more than a six month engagement (crazy to me)!!!
A little background about me: I am a type A personality. I like things done a certain way. I have to touch, feel, and approve of everything. I am a planner. To-do lists are my motivation and are my assistant to life. I make a mental pros and cons list and repeat the list in my mind several times before making major decisions. I know, I am crazy…
At a point in the conversation, I felt attacked and hurt. And my mom (the woman who knows me very well) said, Bianca, what does God say about worry and being anxious? I paraphrased with Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“
My mom, then comforted me with these words: Bianca, it’s ok to plan but don’t forget to give your plans to God. That is a tough pill to swallow.
Like any human being, I want beautiful things in my life. I do want to get married. I do want children. I do want a career with benefits and health insurance. I do want to own a home. I do want etc, etc, etc. There is so much that I desire to have but sometimes it seems like I am stuck where I am. My type A, psycho, OCD self wants to tell God how to plan my life and remind Him “Hey God, you know I want these things right!?! When are you going to do them? My biological clock is ticking and I am getting anxious.” Wrong Approach…
I am reminded of Psalm 37. I encourage you to read it. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to give those desires to God. I can’t make my desires happen on my own. I need the guidance, protection, and grace of God. Like I said, it is a tough pill to swallow. But it is a constant reminder that my path is a divine part of God’s great landscape. Where I am is where I am meant to be. I can actively be Bianca in my daily life. It does not mean that I disregard my hopes and dreams. It’s just that I need to be content in the now and pray for those desires. God is not blind to prayer. He wants to hear my desires and thoughts. But He also wants my obedience. So that’s what I am learning. Mama B struggles too.