A Word From Mama B!

You know what friends…

The older I get, the more wiser I am in valuing myself. As I have said before, I really struggled with beauty and confidence to find a man. I really thought that there was fulfillment in a relationship. But there was an issue in desiring a man: I was not confident in myself. I just was trying to figure myself out in my early 20’s.

I saw the trend of dating and relationships that I wanted in. I wanted a relationship because everyone else had a relationship. WRONG!

As I realized that it was not God’s plan, I had deal with myself. I had know for myself: what are my values and standards? Yes, I grew up with biblical values but did I really know what my values were or was I just piggy-backing off my strict parents.

During my freshman year of college, I went on a quest to read the bible in its entirety to know what I believe for me. In addition, I read a book called, Lady In Waiting: Becoming God’s Best While Waiting For Mr. Right (I recommend it!). This quest opened the door and laid a foundation to really knowing who I am and whose I am.

Yes, I had real standards towards love and relationships and being an authentic Christ follower. And I am still growing.

As long as my values were aligned with God’s Word, then that is what mattered. That was where my value was. I did not need to prove myself to be worthy of love with a man.

The love of God covers all the value you need to love someone else.

For most of life, I felt that if I proved myself worthy to be loved, I would be loved. If I was lovable, pretty, reliable, loyal, and helpful, I would be guaranteed girlfriend material. But I was not. I was overlooked and unappreciated as a sister or reliable friend. WHAT WAS I DOING WRONG!?!

But like I said, that was then. With my maturity in Christ, I realized that my values were my lifestyle. I was not norm but am set apart. With the few men I have dated, my standards did not match theirs. There was conflict and differences in our Biblical values and social values. There was no compatibility and I was not backing down my values to conform to something that I was not.

I know what you are thinking…Bianca, what are your values for dating and relationship and living a God-centered life? I am glad you asked. Here are some of the following standards and values I have:

  1. A consistent relationship with the local church–you can’t walk this Christian life alone. Being involved in a local church and bible study is like putting on my glasses in the morning. I need it to live so I can see.
  2. No sex before marriage. Kissing is fine. But there must be boundaries so we are not tempted by each other.
  3. No clubbing, smoking, drinking, drugs, recklessness of the world, etc.In this world but not of this world mentality. I have gotten grief about “living your life” but to me, I believe that Christians are tempted by the enemy in certain places and I choose to flee rather go to the temptation. I can’t be a witness if I act just like the people I need to reach (that’s just me.). I know I lose guys in this more than anything because I am looking for a man who is set apart and is trying to live in a manner worthy of Christ.
  4. Culturally, I don’t celebrate Halloween and don’t associate with skull-like things and events. Yes, I know I live in America. But I have learned about my Haitian culture and those things/events align with devil-worshipping. So I don’t celebrate Halloween at all…don’t even want to go to the Christian alternative either because it’s trying to incorporate Jesus with a pagan belief. Again, just my beliefs.
  5. I only want a Christ-follower…no exceptions. Yup, I have heard: Bianca, what if your true love is not a Christian. I just say I don’t think God would hold out his best for me. His best would be someone equally yoked and aligned with Him. So no I don’t believe you.

Yes, I am aware most of the male population does not agree with my values.

But to value myself, I have to stand up for myself and be my authentic self. Once I loved myself, valued myself, and set standards for myself, God would honor my obedience.

Yes, I am still single and growing but I know what I want and God knows what I desire. So I wait and wait…

But at least I love myself enough while waiting for God’s best.

Blissfully,

Bianca

2 Comments

  1. tsepotheview

    Physical beauty is no longer an issue in the world we live in because that can be achieved on so many ways but what matters is the inner beauty and the values you implemented in your life is what’s important and that’s what makes you special.

    Like

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