We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.-Romans 8:28
It was not God’s timing this second time taking the Bar. I really believed I gave it my all and thought God would pull through for me this time around.
I questioned, “How could this be? God, again!?! Why? How? What do I do now?” Second time was a fluke and now I am stuck again. Extended delay of a dream I have been striving for. Do I give up? Have I been living a joke thinking I, Bianca Leon, will be an Esq.?“
You know who this sounds like Joseph from the Bible. God revealed dreams of greatness for him (i.e. stalks of hay bowing to him, stars bowing to him). But Joseph found himself in obstacles of betrayal, abandonment, slavery, imprisonment for a false accusation, and incarceration. It seemed like this dream was a fantasy than real. But Joseph still believed and held fast to the Lord. And God came through in the greatest way and even beyond what Joseph thought. (Genesis 37-50).
If you take out the slavery, family betrayal and abandonment, sibling rivalry, incarceration, and false criminal accusation, it sounds like yours truly: Trying to reach for God’s vision when it seems far away.
So where do I go from here?
Well for one thing, I am not giving up conquering the Bar exam. It’s just that God has redirected my focus to take another state Bar exam. I have really wrestled with God on what is my purpose to be in Georgia. Well, God in his greatness, has been trying to tell me, “Bianca, I want you here in Georgia to practice law.” My response: “WHAT!?! But I wanted Florida, Lord that is what I thought.” Well no.
You know that feeling when you ask God to get you from A to C but God wants you in B because that is His plan. You are in B but you want C. But God says B. You fight to push God towards C but nope, it’s B.
I have been fighting God for two years to get my way instead of where God had me. I was discontent with Georgia because I had it in my mind to go to Florida. I had this “I am leaving so don’t really care about what happen in Georgia.” What I thought would be a few months become two years…talk about God sending me a message I did not get. But God confirmed his Will for me through mentors, friends, and family. So yeah…Mama B is in the ATL.
Now, I am truly struggling with finding contentment in Georgia. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I am with my family. They keep me grounded and really love me. But friendships, social life, and being Georgia Bianca has been meh. I have them but there is not the investment and “life” that has been developed. I feel like I am starting over.
So now, I am doing a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery on how to flourish more where God has me planted. It’s time to spread my wings. Put myself out there. Attach myself to good, consistent people and things. Time to readjust, refocus, and restrategize.
There is still a lot of uncertainties and unknowns but God has brought me this far. I take each day one moment at a time. I do what I can. I am setting goals for myself ( will share soon). I will admit some days are hard to face the world being in this season again. But God is with me.
I will end with words of truth, For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.-Jeremiah 29:11-13