Where I Have Been?

Where I Have Been?

Like a tree, it goes through seasons. There is a time of growth and change. It is green and full of life. The blooms and fruit come forth. It goes through range of reds, oranges, and yellows depending how close they are to the sun. All the leaves fall and die to make way for new growth. 

With me, life has happened.  I was employed for the midterm elections (early voting and election day) as a poll official which was an eye-opening experience. 

Then, after that…I felt stuck. I felt depressed with the season I am currently in. As you know, I did not pass the Bar. At the beginning, I was positive and empowering myself that I will take it again and this won’t break me. 

And then it broke me…

As I started studying again, my spirit felt damaged. I was doubting myself. I just felt stuck. Like God, I am right where I started earlier this year. I am an unemployed, postgraduate studying for the Bar again. 

People I started with made it. And I didn’t make it.

I was depressed and my anxiety made me lower. I had to take a break from social media. And I just stopped blogging. My spirit was not in the right place to write inspirational posts. I don’t want to fake it. It would not be fair to my followers. I want to be as authentic as possible.  So I just stopped…

I did not want to let you all down but I couldn’t go on. I had no inspiration or theme to post about. I wanted to find the peace that surpassed all understanding. I wanted to be content in this season. That this is not the end for me.

I am feeling better. I had to take my own advice: get back in the Word, pray, talk out my feelings, and keep positivity in my life. I am still going at studying for the Bar. I am still living and breathing by God’s grace. I still have purpose.

So my lesson in this struggle is simple: God will not let you go.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.-Isaiah 41:10

It always seems to me like God is watching this unfold but He is not. God knew this before the foundation of the world. He knew that I would not pass the Bar the first time around. He knew that I would be between states once again. He knew that I would need my family to get through this. He knew I would be serving on my church’s worship team. He knew it all.

I have to remind myself that I am not a failure. I’m not dumb. I am still meant to be an attorney. It’s just that my journey is not over. I will get there in His timing by His strength. 

It’s just not my time now. I am still in the autumn stage with beautiful, bright, colorful yet dying leaves. But I know it will spring up into new blooms soon.

So with this season, I will not be posting blogs till Spring 2019 (i.e. after the Bar). I am focusing on Bar studies and myself for the time being. I hope you all understand. I love and appreciate you all for reading. Keep reading my old blogs. Send me a message, follow me on FB, and keep being inspired. God Bless.

Blissfully,

Bianca

The Modern Proverbs 31 Bride

The Modern Proverbs 31 Bride

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.-Proverbs 31:10-12, 23

I have been wondering how to approach this one. I thought of copping out and talking about my mom. I wanted to say this has nothing to do with me because I am single.

But then I thought to speak into existence me, Bianca, as a wife (scary…I know). I just want to put in existence what I would like to say to my husband. Not out of desperation but out of the scripture.

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So to my husband:

I hope I am the treasure you were waiting for. I know you have searched for me, talked to the Father about me, and have been counseled in finding me. I hope to be the treasure that you continue to pursue. Know that I will hold you down in good times and bad. Though only Christ can fill and satisfy your whole heart, may I fill your life with love, support, loyalty, happiness this side of heaven. I pray for the grace to do right by you. I pray for the wisdom to speak life into you and to remain silent when needed. Though you may upset me (and you will), I promise you extend grace as God gives me. I hope to make you proud. I hope you make the world jealous of our love as Christ is jealous for us. I promise to try. I promise to love. I promise to be yours. 

I spoke what I would say. It would be interesting if I got to say these words someday. But for now, I will leave it to Christ.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Empowered to Say No

Empowered to Say No

For most of my life, I have been a BIG people pleaser. I just always wanted to make people happy at the expense of my energy and time. I would find myself drained and empty because I wanted people to love me. Bianca can do anything.

I thought for most of my life if I said yes to people, events, and opportunities, then I would be blessed ten-fold by others.

NOT!!!

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I realized in my late 20’s that there were “friends” and “people” who I would climb mountains for when they would not go a step for me. I performed for people who could care less about me. I would give 110% when they gave -100%.

I would feel so bad inside. I would be burnt out. I would feel terrible. I would outpour everything without any inflow.

Well. Not. Anymore.

I say no or no thank you. And it feels good. Sometimes I need to take a step back. Sometimes I need to think and clear my mind. Sometimes I need to worry about myself. I need to be selfish.

Yes, it hurts but self-care is good care.

I’m not saying to say NO to everything. I’m not saying you expect everyone to give you what you give them. I’m saying be empowered by the time and moments where you have peace, silence, and self-care for yourself. 

I had to realize that I matter. There will be opportunities to grasp, events to attend, and ways to serve others.

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I know what you are thinking…but Bianca, that was my only chance.

NOPE, I don’t accept it.

You can be selfish to keep your sanity. But Bianca, what should I do? I’m glad you asked.

You can:

have a day to yourself,

get a mani/pedi,

read a book,

turn off your phone, social media and email,

turn off the tv,

take a nap, 

go outside

Be empowered in caring for your A1 since day 1, YOU!

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Blissful Art

My Blissful Art

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This was a joint birthday gift to my parents last month (yes, they have the same birthday). This was my first time doing two boards into one. The quote I used was: “What God has joined, let no man separate.” It was a special piece from yours truly. It was a labor of love and I may have had several panic moments but it worked out.

Nurses Quote
This was a birthday present to one of my dear college friends. She is a nurse and a fine one I might add. I found this quote on Pinterest: God found some of the strongest women and made them nurses. I used some of her favorite colors and made this for her. She loved it. It matches with her room.

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This is me doing abstract floral art. I kinda just went with my artistic soul. No plan. Played around with different colors and floral types. I think it turned out well

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Piece one.

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Piece 2

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Empowered Black Girl Magic Self

My Empowered Black Girl Magic Self

On the grand stage of media, current events, and social media, I feel the frustration, anger, discrimination, and marginalization of being an African American and being a woman.

Having police called on African Americans who are living their own lives .

Women of color gone missing and no one is making a big deal about it.

Victims of sexual assault being ostracized for speaking their truth. 

The lack of criminal justice for minorities.–particularily unarmed African Americans shot by police officers.

The gender pay gap between men and women

The list goes on and on.

If you think that I am just complaining with violins and making excuses, I’m not. I am speaking from my perspective and based on the shoes I walk in every day. If you think I am lying, then you are part of the problem and in denial. Rub your eyes, clean your glasses, and look into the world we live in.

Some days I am so powerless of because the world’s rhetoric and attitude. It does give me anxiety. It makes me feel worthless. The words people say, post, and act on is so unbecoming…especially “Christians.” It’s like I am a walking target wherever I go.  I am not safe in my skin as a woman and as an African American.

But God…

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God says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)  So even though I may feel worthless or powerless, God reminds me who I am and whose I am.  God made me uniquely as an African American woman “for such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14)

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.-Isaiah 43:11

God called me to be Bianca. Though the world may say all it says, God calls me redeemed, wanted, and valued. That goes to every person on this Earth. You are redeemed in Christ. It does not matter if the world does not like you. God makes you worthy.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.-Ephesians 2:10

God did not create me to be nothing. God created me for His purpose. I am skilled with gifts and talents for good. Though man may disqualify me, God established me, Bianca, to work, to provide input to humanity, to serve others, and to have a voice. All the things God creates in me, He uniquely made you for the same reason and purpose. You are somebody. 

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.-1 Peter 2:9

God never said white people are God’s chosen people. God does not say anything about a race being superior to anyone. No race has dominion over an entire people…that’s God arena. When I accepted Christ into my heart, I became His. God said, “You are chosen. You are mine.” With that, there is an eternal victory I have. Jesus paid that price to cover my faults and failures. Thus, I have a place in heaven with Him.

So I empowered by my physical features and gender because God made me uniquely. I am the Princess of a King. I have a voice. God did not create me to be silent but to work and hustle for His glory. I am not perfect but I am redeemed by the Savior of the Universe.

No man can cut down who God promotes.

There is no door God opens that man can shut.

So I use my God-created self to be awesome. Yes, I still get weird looks for being an outspoken woman or for being black, or being too ethnic. But it’s whatever. If God likes it, then imma be Bianca. I am empowered black girl magic.

And that’s it.

Blissfully,

Bianca

The Modern, Proverbs 31 Helping Hand

The Modern, Proverbs 31 Helping Hand

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She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.- Proverbs 31:20

A woman who gives sets the example of Jesus’s heart for service. I’m not talking about the family but other people. A giving spirit produces reward and blessings. Not saying that you do things for something in return but God sees the obedience to His will. You are an ambassador of Christ. What people see is what you give.

I am not the person I am today without my mother. She gave and still gives so much to others. She has given hospitality to relatives, to a pregnant woman in a domestic violence situation, survivors of the Haiti 2009 earthquake, and many other people. She uses her medical knowledge to benefit others even though my sister has her own medical problems. She goes on medical missions to share her gifts. She translates for Haitian immigrants and is willing to give time and energy to them. No matter what her life situation was, she served with all her heart. (Yes, she is amazing).

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I witnessed her servant’s heart. Yes, she told me about Jesus but she acted on what He is about. She always tells me: “Your gifts are not for you but for everyone.” She inspired me to practice immigration law when I am an attorney. To give to immigrant communities the way she does. I may not have the same spiritual gifts as my mom but I try to act as the hands and feet of Jesus. God gave me talents in music, art, and writing. So I share my gifts from the example of my mother.

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I’m not saying women need to do lavish acts of kindness and service. But use your gifts. Women are talented. Give according to Christ’s commands and the way God convicts you. If you are alive and breathing, you have talents and purpose. People need you. Not everyone can do what you do. Extend your giving to many and reap heaven’s rewards and blessings in your household and beyond.

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Blissful Art!

My Blissful Art!

Hi Friends. So this has been a long time coming but I am now posting my art. A busy schedule and fear kinda kept me from posting my art on my blog. I found all my art supplies recently (were in storage) and started getting creative. I love florals. So I started doing an abstract take on florals on a 3.5″ by 2.75″ (at least I think so…they are small canvas).  You can pair it or place it separately. Tell me what you think.

Blissfully,

Bianca

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