Can Mama B be real with you?
There was once a time where peoples’ opinions mattered to me. I wrote a plural possessive because it was true. I allowed people to rule my life. My well-being was a cacophony of opinions that did not matter in the end. I was afraid of being hated by people but at what cost to my own sanity? I was lost because I did not use my voice.
REAL TALK: There will be people in your life, in your circle who wish for your demise. There are people who are toxic and only bring negativity.
My advice: Make sure to hear YOUR voice. Eliminate the leeches that suck the life out of you. Shake the dust off your feet. Seek advice from the people who give your tough love and have character that you gravitate towards.
I will admit: Your friend list may be smaller but that is not a bad thing. Have a quality of friends than a cacophony quantity of instability. Also, make sure to hear your own voice too
It is not enough to say “I want to change XYZ. I need to get out.”
You have to do something…like actually act. If you keep complaining, then you will be like a dog chasing its tail. As a friend, I would remember giving the same advice over and over again (run myself into the ground) to friends who knew what they had to do. I also had to realize I can want change for someone else but if they do not take the steps, it is not my fault.
Don’t blame and complain if you refuse to change.
It’s ok to be selfish and take care of yourself. You are the only person living YOUR LIFE. No one has to live with the consequences but YOU.
Yes, change is hard. I am speaking to myself on this too. But is being in the same position worth it? Is that person really worth it? Is that situation worth the pain and hurt you feel?
Let the change crescendo and catapult into a better version of life.
Change it or live in it. That’s the choice you have to make.
She unfurled her sails.
She is not afraid, maybe anxious.
But, she is excited though.
After years of calm seas and stormy seas, she sees land.
She has reached her destination.
We know our family and friends mean well but really!?! If we needed your help and guidance, we would ask. Singlehood is not a sad place if you don’t wallow waiting your soulmate. I live a wonderful fulfilling life as a single person. God’s providence has not lessened or changed because it’s just me.
I asked some of my peers the words/phrases they tire of hearing:
- Oh, I’m sorry.
- *Asks my age*… You should be married.
- You know that’s usually when God brings the right buy along
- It will happen when you least expect it
- Why aren’t you married?
- You’ve got plenty of time
- That’s a shame. You’re such a lovely girl
- You’re not getting any younger. If you wait too long you won’t be able to have kids.
- You’ll find the right one and just know
- God has His plan for you, just wait it out
- If you don’t settle, you’ll never have kids
- Your standards are too high.
- A degree is nice but it can’t love you back.
Your delivery of constant criticism of my relationship status is discouraging and flat out annoying (sorry not sorry). Family and Friends, like I said we know you mean well. If we wanted someone, we would say something. Instead of pitying and criticizing your single peeps, why not ask us about:
- What are you up these days?
- What are your goals?
- What is new in your life?
Single people have lives. We are interesting too. We just want you to love and RESPECT where we are. That is all.
Her energy was a moxie.
She stood tall above the rest.
She’s an anomaly.
Her magic was insurmountable.
Society wants to delegitimize her power but she stands tall.
Her magic shines.
The wind blows a breeze.
The chimes begin to ring, slowly and lightly.
Though the sound seems faint, it still rings.
The wind blows a stronger wind.
The chimes ring faster and louder.
The jangle of the chimes creates unapologetic ripples.
The chimes are not afraid.
She is not who she used to be.
Her voice resonates the room, the home, and the world.
Her jangle is not noise but a voice.
Another year older, another year of lessons going forward.
You and Me are walking through the journey of life.
If God has granted you life, make a choice to follow Jesus.
Know that not every person you started with will end with you
Do not apologize for making yourself a priority.
Make hard decisions.
Think before you speak.
Maintain a level of poise and class even with the haters.
Be a magnet of positivity.
Do your best.
In the world we live in, important values tend to take a backseat to greed, sin, violence, and many harmful things. So Mama B wants to break the cycle and give you values to keep in mind.
- Love Jesus. I am biased but Jesus has never steered me wrong. Jesus has a purpose for you. Jesus loves you so much He went on the Cross and rose. What greater love can you find.
- Love yourself. There is one YOU. Value who you are. No person can love you, besides Jesus, that could fill the insecurities you deal with.
- Find your purpose. I believe that we are all placed on this Earth for a reason. It may take time but to live in your purpose is a great feeling.
- Listen and learn from people. As humans, we are created differently. We may not all agree but you can learn from one another.
- Kindness goes a long way.
- Have good character. You can make or break your reputation based on your character.
A few of many values I have but this is a start. Love you all.
Can Mama B be real with you!?! Shopping is a lot like dating and relationships. You think I am crazy? Keep reading and you will get my point.
- It looks good on the rack but not good when you try it on (The Deceiver Person)
- It just looks bad when you see it. Like…you can’t deal with it. You just look away and keep moving (The Bad News Bears Person)
- It may different from the rest and not what you expect but you give it a try (The Wild Card Person)
- Many rackets of clothes you see but you have to discern what works for you based on what you are looking for.
- Everyone has different styles but you do should not be forced into someone else’s style.
- Society likes to pressure you with ads on what you think you need. Be true to yourself.
- You don’t need to rush the dating process like it’s Black Friday.
All in all, you deserve someone who loves you and respects you. These things come out of my head. Find the humor in my analogies..but there is a sliver lining to what I said.
I remember for the longest time being the friend who meddled and invested my time, energy, and resources to the people around me. I felt like it was my job to save everyone even at the expense of my own happiness. I tell you it is draining.
There is nothing wrong with caring about people, BUT it is important to take care of your needs too. Some people you invest in may only bring you further down. Your constant, toxic investment in someone will divest your life and well-being. I have had to separate myself from toxic people. Their drama and issues made me feel worse. There was no give and take; it was me giving while they took. I would be drained and unhappy.
Moral of the Story: Care about yourself. Know that your mind, heart, and being matters too. Let no person still your joy. Eliminate the people who steal your joy and do not support you in your time of need. Do not be afraid to make yourself a priority.