See You Later

See You Later

When God has the plan, you must do your part. 

You must work for your success.

Sacrifice in the short term for success in the long haul.

As of today, Blissfully Bianca will be on hiatus for me to focus on my Bar studies. This is not goodbye forever. I will be back at the end of July. God really convicted me on this and has used people to call me out on my distractions. If I want victory and success, then I have to fight with everything I have.

The Bar is a tough, scary monster but I know all things are possible through Jesus. I know He has a plan and a purpose for me. But I need to be obedient, make tough decisions, and make tough sacrifices.

You have all been such a great, fun community of friends. I will miss your presence and all of your stories. Keep reading my posts. They are still there to encourage and uplift you. You have been a beautiful distraction to me. Love you all.

You are worthy in God’s eyes.

God has a plan and purpose for you.

Keep encouraging yourself and each other.

Live and be thankful each day.

Be unapologetically and blissfully you.

 

Blissfully,

Bianca

 

 

 

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27 Years In the Single Oasis

27 Years In the Single Oasis

Every year that I am on this Earth, I like to take an inventory of each single year.

In Year 27, still single. I have graduated from law school (big deal). Yes, I moved back home with my family. I still paint and enjoy myself.

Since graduating, my big question is after the Bar and finding employment, what is next? Love for me is finding a companion and life partner. I really want that. There are days where I feel like maybe this is it, maybe my earthly life will be spent single. The older I get, the more that feeling occurs. It’s kinda like I have given up on finding him and let other people pray for him. I’m so into myself and I don’t know if another person can fit my life.

I know what you are thinking:

“Bianca, aren’t you being dramatic!?!”

“You’re so awesome.”

“You will find him when you least expect it”

“I found my husband at age (fill in the blank)”

and all of the above encouraging responses.

Yeah I hear you but what I feel is what I feel.

I have noticed that my convictions and beliefs truly scare people. I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I have never been in a nightclub or lounge nor do I ever intend to. I don’t believe in hookups, one night stands, or experimenting. If you are with me, we are exclusively together. That alone makes the boys run away from the yard, jump over the fence and sprint as far away from me as possible. Even Christian guys have ran for the hills because I am a clean girl…like too clean..like extra virgin olive oil (what does that mean!?!).

The story goes: The good ones are taken. The bad ones I abstain from. The ones left over…well nothing…just nothing to my liking or his. So there goes my dilemma. 

I am traditional with a modern twist. Yes, I believe in women empowerment but I like a guy to hold the door for me, pay for dinners (the first few), and chivalry. But I also believe in respect..I’m not just a girl looking to get married, be barefoot and pregnant, and forget my career and my personality. I want to be appreciated that I am smart and talented too…no patriarchal roles (I am Man, You are Woman. Make me a sandwich..JERK MUCH!).

I know my worth so I know I can’t settle for anyone. I have waited my whole life for the best even if that means I get married at 30, 35, 40 or beyond. That is something I have decided. I chose to wait because my heart is fragile and important to my well-being. I have seen people in my life whose hearts have been destroyed physically, emotionally, and mentally by a man who says “I Love You.” I could not bear that so I am single: to guard my heart. Call me weird,  too traditional, naive, extra virgin, a clean girl, uptight, not fun.I want the best so I guess I will wait for the best. I will not dim who I am to settle.

I’m not a dry desert of single life but an oasis of one. Life is good but I want more. Who does not want more for their life.? I do. My oasis has my family, my friends, my career (future career), my talents, my extroverted qualities, and good things. It’s all good but where is that male companion for life? Let’s see if Year 28 is the year. If nothing, then I still have my oasis.

Dim

Blissfully,

Bianca

Black Girl Magic

Black Girl Magic

 

I was always told that I have to work twice as hard as an African American female. It’s just the way it is.

The criticisms of black women being welfare queens, ratchet, too much, too loud, too mean, unworthy of a good black man flood the media and society. Like all of us are built like that.

I have been told my hair is different. I have been told by my community and other people groups that I act too white. I have been told, “Bianca, I prefer snow bunnies. I don’t date black women. Y’all are too much.”

But you know what, I choose to live above the stereotypes. I am an extroverted, beautiful, kind, educated, creative black woman. I live according to God’s standards and truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I believe in the sanity of marriage; boyfriends do not get husband privileges. I am fun and love to make people happy and inspired. I live a set apart life so I abstain from many things. I love Haitian food and love fried chicken. I did not graduate or attend a historically black college. Not in a historically black sorority. I love all kinds of Pop, Christian, R&B, Hip-Hop music. I worship at a church where I am the minority.

Do my qualifications make me less black? No, because it is my experience. I am living my truth, my magic.

REAL TALK: In my imagination, every black woman who lives out her potential is a queen in her own right. We are diverse, come in all shapes, and sizes. We work with what we have been dealt and make something of ourselves. 

Black Girl Magic is what you make it. This is me. Black people are not the same. We are different. I learned a long time ago that I don’t to conform to man’s opinion of me. I just to be myself unashamedly. Be my own kind of magic…and that’s what I’m gonna be.

 

Imagination

Blissfully,

Bianca

When Single Sticks Out

When Single Sticks Out

My single status usually never bothers me. I know for myself that being single is the best thing right now. I am very conversant in how I live my life as a single person. It’s nothing for me to be ashamed of.  I walk in my truth. It’s works for me.

Then, there are some days where I stick out..

Situation: A group of  young couples and you talking and laughing.

The couples introduce each other “My name is (blank) and this is my wife/husband (blank).

And me, “I am Bianca”. That’s it. No wedding band or complimenting human being to introduce. You just stick out. You are the single one. The feeling makes you want to crawl back into your single black hole.

I do find my way back to the confident, content, single Bianca but sometimes my single status sticks out.

Conversant

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Black Hair

My Black Hair

Listen to this TED TALK first. Then, read my own hair journey.

As a young girl, I begged my mom to give me a perm. Every time, my mom said, “No your hair is fine just the way it is.” The summer before college, my mom offered the opportunity to get a perm. But at that point, I said, “Nope. You rejected the idea my whole life so I gave up on that dream.”

I have had my hair straightened (hot-combed and flat iron) and in braids (by hand or croquet) my whole life.

When I changed my career path to law, a lot ran through my mind. One of those conversations I had with my mom was “How will I do my hair?” “Do I have to wear my hair differently?” “Will I need to have straight professional hair?” I discovered beautiful black women in my school with natural hair, wigs, weave, and perms. So over the next three years, I discovered many women of color as attorneys with various styles of hair. There was not a hair requirement unless I allow it. Hair is hair. God knows my job in advance.

Last year, I tried a new hairstyle. I twisted my natural hair. It does not seem like a big change but it was a defining moment. I have not had my hair done like this since elementary school. I really embraced it.

So I have concluded that my hair is my hair. I will wear my hair without societal pressures my field or my people. I don’t need to compromise.  I look beautiful either way.

Compromise

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Choice to Be Single?

A Choice to Be Single?

***A satirical take on my single lady experience externally and internally.

Friend: “Bianca, I am going to a year off. I am going to be single for a year.”

 

Me Internally “Excuse me!?!”

I am bewildered at the thought that “Miss ‘I can get anyone I want'” just wants a break.

Try being single for 27 years. No prospects.

You think I chose this!?! I know myself really well yet nothing.

I would like to take a break from being single. Take a year to date.

I am quite the catch. Pretty, smart, driven, a Christian…what’s not to like.

But I don’t want to  just have short-term flings.

I want something meaningful.

So I will wait again..wait for the right one.

Be single. Again for another day, another week, another month, another year.

A choice I have set for myself.

 

Externally telling my Friend: Yeah girl. You do that. Take that time for yourself. Single life is awesome.

And I move on…

Bewildered

Blissfully,

Bianca

New Blissful Additions

New Blissful Additions

I made some goals for myself for 2018. I am trying to keep better habits for my well-being.

  1. I started tracking my steps each day. I do forget my tracker sometimes..lol but I am starting.
  2. I am braving the cold while running. My family thinks I should run when it is warmer and that running in cold weather is crazy. Well crazy enough to reach my goal. But they are supportive of me.
  3. I am flossing more..crazy right!?! Taking care of my teeth thus taking care of my body.
  4. My skin got really sensitive last year. I tried many products but it just wasn’t working for my face. Believe or not, apple vinegar and olive oil WORKS. I have seen the change in my face. It is clearer and improving. My new skin regime:
      1. After I was my face with Neutrogena soap, I put apple vinegar mixed with water on my face and leave it for 5 minutes.
      2. Wash the apple vinegar/water mix off.
      3. Rub olive oil on the face and let it sit and you are done
  5. I started practicing my lettering skills from an awesome workbook. I am getting better at it.

It is important to carve out time for making your goals a reality. This is my start.

Carve

Blissfully,

Bianca