Where I Have Been?

Where I Have Been?

Like a tree, it goes through seasons. There is a time of growth and change. It is green and full of life. The blooms and fruit come forth. It goes through range of reds, oranges, and yellows depending how close they are to the sun. All the leaves fall and die to make way for new growth. 

With me, life has happened.  I was employed for the midterm elections (early voting and election day) as a poll official which was an eye-opening experience. 

Then, after that…I felt stuck. I felt depressed with the season I am currently in. As you know, I did not pass the Bar. At the beginning, I was positive and empowering myself that I will take it again and this won’t break me. 

And then it broke me…

As I started studying again, my spirit felt damaged. I was doubting myself. I just felt stuck. Like God, I am right where I started earlier this year. I am an unemployed, postgraduate studying for the Bar again. 

People I started with made it. And I didn’t make it.

I was depressed and my anxiety made me lower. I had to take a break from social media. And I just stopped blogging. My spirit was not in the right place to write inspirational posts. I don’t want to fake it. It would not be fair to my followers. I want to be as authentic as possible.  So I just stopped…

I did not want to let you all down but I couldn’t go on. I had no inspiration or theme to post about. I wanted to find the peace that surpassed all understanding. I wanted to be content in this season. That this is not the end for me.

I am feeling better. I had to take my own advice: get back in the Word, pray, talk out my feelings, and keep positivity in my life. I am still going at studying for the Bar. I am still living and breathing by God’s grace. I still have purpose.

So my lesson in this struggle is simple: God will not let you go.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.-Isaiah 41:10

It always seems to me like God is watching this unfold but He is not. God knew this before the foundation of the world. He knew that I would not pass the Bar the first time around. He knew that I would be between states once again. He knew that I would need my family to get through this. He knew I would be serving on my church’s worship team. He knew it all.

I have to remind myself that I am not a failure. I’m not dumb. I am still meant to be an attorney. It’s just that my journey is not over. I will get there in His timing by His strength. 

It’s just not my time now. I am still in the autumn stage with beautiful, bright, colorful yet dying leaves. But I know it will spring up into new blooms soon.

So with this season, I will not be posting blogs till Spring 2019 (i.e. after the Bar). I am focusing on Bar studies and myself for the time being. I hope you all understand. I love and appreciate you all for reading. Keep reading my old blogs. Send me a message, follow me on FB, and keep being inspired. God Bless.

Blissfully,

Bianca

The Modern Proverbs 31 Bride

The Modern Proverbs 31 Bride

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.-Proverbs 31:10-12, 23

I have been wondering how to approach this one. I thought of copping out and talking about my mom. I wanted to say this has nothing to do with me because I am single.

But then I thought to speak into existence me, Bianca, as a wife (scary…I know). I just want to put in existence what I would like to say to my husband. Not out of desperation but out of the scripture.

Related image

So to my husband:

I hope I am the treasure you were waiting for. I know you have searched for me, talked to the Father about me, and have been counseled in finding me. I hope to be the treasure that you continue to pursue. Know that I will hold you down in good times and bad. Though only Christ can fill and satisfy your whole heart, may I fill your life with love, support, loyalty, happiness this side of heaven. I pray for the grace to do right by you. I pray for the wisdom to speak life into you and to remain silent when needed. Though you may upset me (and you will), I promise you extend grace as God gives me. I hope to make you proud. I hope you make the world jealous of our love as Christ is jealous for us. I promise to try. I promise to love. I promise to be yours. 

I spoke what I would say. It would be interesting if I got to say these words someday. But for now, I will leave it to Christ.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Empowered to Say No

Empowered to Say No

For most of my life, I have been a BIG people pleaser. I just always wanted to make people happy at the expense of my energy and time. I would find myself drained and empty because I wanted people to love me. Bianca can do anything.

I thought for most of my life if I said yes to people, events, and opportunities, then I would be blessed ten-fold by others.

NOT!!!

Image result for quotes about caring for yourself

I realized in my late 20’s that there were “friends” and “people” who I would climb mountains for when they would not go a step for me. I performed for people who could care less about me. I would give 110% when they gave -100%.

I would feel so bad inside. I would be burnt out. I would feel terrible. I would outpour everything without any inflow.

Well. Not. Anymore.

I say no or no thank you. And it feels good. Sometimes I need to take a step back. Sometimes I need to think and clear my mind. Sometimes I need to worry about myself. I need to be selfish.

Yes, it hurts but self-care is good care.

I’m not saying to say NO to everything. I’m not saying you expect everyone to give you what you give them. I’m saying be empowered by the time and moments where you have peace, silence, and self-care for yourself. 

I had to realize that I matter. There will be opportunities to grasp, events to attend, and ways to serve others.

Related image

I know what you are thinking…but Bianca, that was my only chance.

NOPE, I don’t accept it.

You can be selfish to keep your sanity. But Bianca, what should I do? I’m glad you asked.

You can:

have a day to yourself,

get a mani/pedi,

read a book,

turn off your phone, social media and email,

turn off the tv,

take a nap, 

go outside

Be empowered in caring for your A1 since day 1, YOU!

Blissfully,

Bianca

Empowered Even Though I Am Not A First-Time Bar Passer

Empowered Even Though I Am Not A First-Time Bar Passer

15 minutes. 

15 minutes is how long my mom gave me to sob and let my emotions out. She held me as I let out the worst cry of my life. I received the news that I did not pass the Bar. All the hard work, sleepless nights, studying, and sacrificing my social life and I fell short. I felt like a failure and the prayers and well wishes were in vain. I just cried. I could not believe it.

But after those several minutes, my mom said, “Now we are not going to pity ourselves. No more crying. You tried your best and it’s just not God’s timing. You tried. You’re still my favorite lawyer. You will be one.” 

What a mom…I know she is really great.

(P.S. I took a nap, my mom made me fried plantains, sweet potatoes fries, and gave me lots of hugs. I took a week-long break from social media to clear my mind and refocus.)

So life has been interesting. What I thought was the plan is not the case. It will be another several months to prepare for the exam. It will be awhile before I get another set of results. I will be in-between states again. I will not be sworn in yet. I will not have the attorney job I have dreamed of.

Sounds like a powerless situation.

But I choose not to pity myself. 

Jeremiah 29:11 states: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Even though the bad news hurts, it’s not to harm me. I had to remind myself if God did not want me to be an attorney, He would not have allowed me to live 6 hours away from home. He would not have allowed me to pass each semester of law school. He would not have allowed me to graduate law school. And many other obstacles I faced.

I do have a hope and a future. My season is temporary even though it feels like forever.

By Morgan Harper Nichols

I am not the only person who did not pass and I won’t be the last. This is a very hard exam. Florida is one of the hardest states to pass. My outcome from the Bar does not indicate my fitness or capacity as an attorney.

This does not stop me but empower me to fight.

Just because I did not pass does not mean I lost everything. I have wonderful parents who are still willing to help me and allow me to live with them. I have a wonderful support system and church family. I have my health. I have breath in my body. I still have a purpose.

So I will be empowered because God said I can do all things in Him, including passing the Bar and being the best attorney I can be. 

Related image

I’m not saying that I am not upset, hurt, or feel inadequate. I am human. But I am saying  there is still hope for me.

I still have God’s power to make it.

And I will.

Blissfully,

Bianca

 

The Storm’s Blissful Lesson

The Storm’s Blissful Lesson

Related image

You know those rainstorms that are wind, rain, thunder, lightning and everything in between.  You can’t see where you are. Speeding up can lead to uncontrollable hydroplaning. Even familiar routes are difficult to travel to.

Doesn’t that sound like life?

The storms of life can throw us for a loop. A friend once said people are either in a storm, about to enter a storm, or have left a storm.  We all have a storm.

It is easy to succumb to the storm and fall into despair. I have had my fair shares of storms. It feels unbearable.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.-Psalm 34:17-20

Though it is easy to throw in the towel, DON’T!

Though it storms, the rain will stop, the clouds will appear, the loud clashing of lightning and thunder will be silenced, and then sunlight.

For every rainstorm, there is sunshine.

Image result for sunshine after the storm

With any storm, God can overcome it. Jesus silenced the winds and the storms at His command (Matthew 8:23-27). Nothing is too hard for God.

What you and I cannot do is control our situations. Sometimes life is out of our reach. Things happen that are unexpected, from left field,  unplanned, and abrupt. And sometimes with as much preparation you do, you still fall short. But God can and is in control. 

With the storm, there is provision, safety, and sanity that God provides. He does not lead you where He will not provide for you. He knows what you can handle even though you think you can’t handle it.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:19

God will bring you out of the storm into the sunshine. I can’t assure that life will be exactly what you expected but all storms will strengthen you and your testimony.

So hold on even though it’s raining, God will give you the umbrella (i.e. provision) and the direction.

I leave with this: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.-2 Corinthians 12:9

Image result for sunshine nature

Wherever you fall short, God will fill in the gaps.

The storm is temporary.

It will pass.

God will bring you out of whatever tried to end you or break you. 

The sunshine will come. 

 

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Breath of Fresh Air

A Breath of Fresh Air

My Breath of Fresh Air is “Do not give up on God and His Church.”

Real talk: There were times in my life where I wanted to give up God and give up going to church.

I always felt that the Church was to be a perfect place with perfect people. The worship was perfect. The programs were a delicate balance. No talk of politics. Everyone was in perfect harmony with one another. Slowly, that perfect human expectation faded. I was getting disappointed and hurt by people in the church in various ways. This perfect church did not exist on this side of heaven.

But you know what? There are times where I forget God and look to a human expectation of church rather than look to God’s Design of His Church. God created the Church for HIMSELF and His children to grow, to learn, and to be encouraged no matter what is going on in life.  God is the head of the Church, not the pastor. God’s Word is the Truth that I should hear from the person He designed to preach. God puts the heart of worship in each person. God calls children to lead, love, care for this lost and dying world. The Church is God’s hospital for humanity. I hurt, you hurt, we all hurt but we do not have to stay that way. God makes a way for lost, hurting people in need of a Savior. God does not call us to be alone but to live in community with believers. No church is perfect but God is perfect and His Word is perfect. 

The Bible does not have the perfect physical formula for the perfect church meaning what type of music, programs vs. no programs, church attire, etc. God inspires His people in different ways. A contemporary church is no less than a traditional church. A suit and tie man is a sinner just like the jeans and t-shirt guy. Outreach and missions is a command of God.  If God is present, then it is all good. I do believe that Baptists will not be the only people in heaven. I believe His Church will be filled different with all tribes, tongues, denominations, and people. The main theme will be that we loved and walked with Jesus and we get to spend eternity with Him. That is the part of Jesus we all as believers should strive and thrive in. 

So don’t give on Jesus and His church. Jesus wants you to know His truth  and come to faith in Him. He wants you to love and be loved by His children. A local church refreshes and strengthens you. You find yourself and walk with other believers who are not perfect.  No matter where you are in life, God is there with you. Don’t give up on Him because He never gave up on us. His Church is within reach.

Let me end with Scripture:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.-Colossians 3:15-17

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.-Colossians 1:15-18

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.- 1 Corinthians 12:12-14

Take care friends. Jesus loves you.

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Gentle Reminder

A Gentle Reminder

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”-John 16:33

Can we all agree life is hard? Whether it be the world news, relationship issues,  issues at work, your health, job searches and pending bar results (me), and everything in between. It just stinks.

But you know what?

God has overcome it so you will overcome it.

It is not a quick genie presto. It is in God’s timing. Know that God may be blocking, clearing, or preventing something bad from happening. Maybe you did not get something because there is something better in store.

I know what you are thinking: Bianca, I have been rejected too many times!?!

Well I am right there with you. Life is hard.

Jesus did not promise an easy life. I do not have an easy life. Sometimes I do want to give up and throw in the towel. But I don’t because something better is in store for me. So I will say that to you: Something better is in store.

He overcame the trouble on the Cross. Your “life issues” are HANDLED!

Be encouraged.

It’s handled in Jesus name!!!

Blissfully,

Bianca