In honor of Mother’s Day Weekend, I wanted to share my mom’s wise words to me. I am not the person I am today without her strength, love, and guidance. Though she has taught me a lot of things, I wanted to narrow down the list because it would be an encyclopedia with 10 volumes. But I hope you are encouraged by her words in your own life.
Trust God and Yourself
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are NOT in anyone’s spot. God has you wherever you are for a reason.
You are worthy because God says you are.
Do not be ashamed of who you are.
Be patient with yourself
It’s ok if you don’t get it right the first time. You’re human.
Never envy anyone else’s life because you don’t know what they had to do to get what they have.
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.-Romans 8:28
It was not God’s timing this second time taking the Bar. I really believed I gave it my all and thought God would pull through for me this time around.
I questioned, “How could this be? God, again!?! Why? How? What do I do now?” Second time was a fluke and now I am stuck again. Extended delay of a dream I have been striving for. Do I give up? Have I been living a joke thinking I, Bianca Leon, will be an Esq.?“
You know who this sounds like Joseph from the Bible. God revealed dreams of greatness for him (i.e. stalks of hay bowing to him, stars bowing to him). But Joseph found himself in obstacles of betrayal, abandonment, slavery, imprisonment for a false accusation, and incarceration. It seemed like this dream was a fantasy than real. But Joseph still believed and held fast to the Lord. And God came through in the greatest way and even beyond what Joseph thought. (Genesis 37-50).
If you take out the slavery, family betrayal and abandonment, sibling rivalry, incarceration, and false criminal accusation, it sounds like yours truly: Trying to reach for God’s vision when it seems far away.
So where do I go from here?
Well for one thing, I am not giving up conquering the Bar exam. It’s just that God has redirected my focus to take another state Bar exam. I have really wrestled with God on what is my purpose to be in Georgia. Well, God in his greatness, has been trying to tell me, “Bianca, I want you here in Georgia to practice law.”My response: “WHAT!?! But I wanted Florida, Lord that is what I thought.” Well no.
You know that feeling when you ask God to get you from A to C but God wants you in B because that is His plan. You are in B but you want C. But God says B. You fight to push God towards C but nope, it’s B.
I have been fighting God for two years to get my way instead of where God had me. I was discontent with Georgia because I had it in my mind to go to Florida. I had this “I am leaving so don’t really care about what happen in Georgia.” What I thought would be a few months become two years…talk about God sending me a message I did not get. But God confirmed his Will for me through mentors, friends, and family. So yeah…Mama B is in the ATL.
Now, I am truly struggling with finding contentment in Georgia. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I am with my family. They keep me grounded and really love me. But friendships, social life, and being Georgia Bianca has been meh. I have them but there is not the investment and “life” that has been developed. I feel like I am starting over.
So now, I am doing a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery on how to flourish more where God has me planted. It’s time to spread my wings. Put myself out there. Attach myself to good, consistent people and things. Time to readjust, refocus, and restrategize.
There is still a lot of uncertainties and unknowns but God has brought me this far. I take each day one moment at a time. I do what I can. I am setting goals for myself ( will share soon). I will admit some days are hard to face the world being in this season again. But God is with me.
I will end with words of truth, For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.-Jeremiah 29:11-13
It has been an interesting time in my life. For 26 years, there has been a part of me that I chose not reveal to people. I have just kept it to myself because I felt like I would be judged and criticized. A little bit about me, one thing I have struggled with is being liked. I always wanted to be liked by everyone even if it meant concealing parts of myself.
The older I get, the more I start living more for me. The older I get, the more I care less about what other people think about me. The older I get, the less I tolerate the toxic things and people who bring me down. The older I get, the more I want respect for who I chose to be.
Recently, I said on social media that I am a Democrat who loves Jesus and His Word. WOW!! That happened. At first, I felt like I was letting people down and fooling my friends into thinking that I was something that I never was to begin with. But then, I felt a release of 26 years of hiding my political party.My political party is not the sum total of who I am but part of who I am. I should not be afraid but be brave even if that means some will not like what I say or shun me for my beliefs.
My mom has always told me that I am brave for moving to a new city, trying new things, living on my own, and the list goes on. I never understood why she said that. I merely did what I had to do. But as usual, my mom is right and I am wrong. I was being brave by trying and stepping outside of what I am use to.
“Small steps of faith can turn into big breakthroughs of bravery.” So be brave, friends. No one is living your life unless you let them. Take little steps of bravery.
It is still a process but I am more open to speak my mind, speak God’s truth, and continue to spread positivity and love (cause the world needs that). But that is my life as “brave” Bianca.
A habit I have is I tend to take care of everyone else and forget about myself. I need to be better about that. So this segment, I will talk more about myself and my journey. So I decided to make a new segment: Life as Bianca.
My goals for this year (I refuse to say resolutions):
Graduate law school.
Save money and manage my money effectively.
Learn how do a cat eye (Always wanted to learn).
Paint and color more.
Be a better blogger and reach more people.
Do effective bar prep (Taking it February 2018).
Spend more time getting into the Word and strengthen my faith more.
Give out handwritten cards to people just because.
Declutter the excess in my life.
Continue to eliminate negativity whether by people or things.
Do more community service/pro-bono work.
Be more organized and stick to a schedule.
Speak more Creole.
Make career choices towards my future (finding a job).
Spend less time on technology (easier said than done)
I know…it’s quite a list. Each year that passes, I want to keep growing and keep striving for excellence. I hope you all will join me on this journey. Make a list and stick to it. Tell me what you want to accomplish in 2017.