Whether it’s a big leap or a step in the right direction, you have a daily opportunity to live. I love this quote because it is true. You can change your life by a single decision. If you are not six feet under and not in a hospital dying, you are doing pretty well. One life on one planet in a moment in time. Know that you have purpose. So what change will you decide to do?
There are times where change can result from thorny situations. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it scars. A scar does not have to a stain of shame but a source of strength. Don’t let the thorns let you bleed out and forget that something better is coming. The joyful moments do not come without thorns and difficulty.
It is not enough to say “I want to change XYZ. I need to get out.”
You have to do something…like actually act. If you keep complaining, then you will be like a dog chasing its tail. As a friend, I would remember giving the same advice over and over again (run myself into the ground) to friends who knew what they had to do. I also had to realize I can want change for someone else but if they do not take the steps, it is not my fault.
Don’t blame and complain if you refuse to change.
It’s ok to be selfish and take care of yourself. You are the only person living YOUR LIFE. No one has to live with the consequences but YOU.
Yes, change is hard. I am speaking to myself on this too. But is being in the same position worth it? Is that person really worth it? Is that situation worth the pain and hurt you feel?
Let the change crescendo and catapult into a better version of life.
Change it or live in it. That’s the choice you have to make.
After high school comes college. College was another life changing phase. My grainy journey consisted the following: changed my major a few times, took time off, yet had great memories, and graduated. I would not change my journey for anything.
- Your foundation of faith is vital as you navigate freedom you have never experienced. I did not have my parents telling me to go to church, read my Bible, and be set apart. I had the choice to give up on Jesus but my dad always told me “You can never go wrong with serving God.” Something told me not to let Him go. Thankfully, I was involved in Christian groups and was involved in a local church. My campus pastor, Ken Jones & his wife, Janet Jones, played a great role in my spiritual growth.
- School> Boys. Sorry, not sorry. I went to school for degree. Granted I did want a boyfriend but marriage was waaayyyy down the road. I knew that I wanted a career and to be someone.
- If you don’t find your spouse by graduation, it is not the end of the world. I remember the constant pressure of people telling me I met my spouse at this event, this spot, this campus, etc. I got annoyed because it was not happening to me. I was not going to graduate with a spouse. But then I realized that I was graduating with a degree..that is so much better than finding a spouse.
- Know what you want and don’t apologize to those who don’t apply themselves. There will be the lazy ones who will want to discourage you and bring you down to their level but stand your ground.
- Love what you do.
- Ask help before its too late. It’s ok to be a beginner. Asking for help does not mean that you are weak. It just means you are willing to be better.
- Enjoy college. It was so much fun and I would not trade my experience.
I can relate to this. I feel a prickle of fear and inadequacy almost every day. I can stress over all my inadequacies all day but what will that do? Know you that you are one person. You are a human being. Do the best you can. Your best is your best. If anyone has a problem, then tough…you have done with you can.
We know our family and friends mean well but really!?! If we needed your help and guidance, we would ask. Singlehood is not a sad place if you don’t wallow waiting your soulmate. I live a wonderful fulfilling life as a single person. God’s providence has not lessened or changed because it’s just me.
I asked some of my peers the words/phrases they tire of hearing:
- Oh, I’m sorry.
- *Asks my age*… You should be married.
- You know that’s usually when God brings the right buy along
- It will happen when you least expect it
- Why aren’t you married?
- You’ve got plenty of time
- That’s a shame. You’re such a lovely girl
- You’re not getting any younger. If you wait too long you won’t be able to have kids.
- You’ll find the right one and just know
- God has His plan for you, just wait it out
- If you don’t settle, you’ll never have kids
- Your standards are too high.
- A degree is nice but it can’t love you back.
Your delivery of constant criticism of my relationship status is discouraging and flat out annoying (sorry not sorry). Family and Friends, like I said we know you mean well. If we wanted someone, we would say something. Instead of pitying and criticizing your single peeps, why not ask us about:
- What are you up these days?
- What are your goals?
- What is new in your life?
Single people have lives. We are interesting too. We just want you to love and RESPECT where we are. That is all.
Life gets very busy. It is not good for people to just work and pay taxes non-stop till you die. That would be a sad life. I have had to learn to de-stress and not let life get the best of me. Stress Relievers are tailored to help and to make life more interesting. I want to give you sobering ways to relax.
- Coloring Books. I know it sounds childish but they are quite the trend. I have too many coloring books. I love the ones with quotes and scripture. Just take 30 minutes or an hour to color.
- Paint Places. There are painting places where I live where you pay money for an instructor to teach you how to paint. My favorite place to go is Pinot’s Palette in Jacksonville, FL. They are wonderful people who are willing to help. It is BYOB. Whether it is a Friday night or a Tuesday afternoon, they offer great painting classes.
- A Bath. I love taking a soothing bath in silence. I love bath salts, bath fizzies, and aromatherapy soaps. I usually get them at Bath & Body Works, Marshall’s and TJmaxx.
- Eat Comfort Food. Give me ice cream or just dessert that puts me in a happy place. Use discretion with the intake but it’s a thought.
- Sleep/Nap. Enough said. It’s a beautiful thing to lay down and unwind.
- Talk to someone. You can talk to someone who listens and helps you defuse the situation. I know great friends who have made my stress levels go down by their presence and advice.
- Listen to Music. It is great to have music that puts you in a mellow and calm state.
- Walk. It is good to walk around. Easier said than done but get some sun.
All in all, take care of yourself. Don’t forget to make yourself a priority. This is my blissful list. What is a way you destress?