It is not enough to say “I want to change XYZ. I need to get out.”
You have to do something…like actually act. If you keep complaining, then you will be like a dog chasing its tail. As a friend, I would remember giving the same advice over and over again (run myself into the ground) to friends who knew what they had to do. I also had to realize I can want change for someone else but if they do not take the steps, it is not my fault.
Don’t blame and complain if you refuse to change.
It’s ok to be selfish and take care of yourself. You are the only person living YOUR LIFE. No one has to live with the consequences but YOU.
Yes, change is hard. I am speaking to myself on this too. But is being in the same position worth it? Is that person really worth it? Is that situation worth the pain and hurt you feel?
Let the change crescendo and catapult into a better version of life.
Change it or live in it. That’s the choice you have to make.
The people you start with may not be the people you end with. Some people are meant to be in a season for a reason. It happens. Personally, a new season meant letting go of the people and things that do not fit or pose a threat to my personal change. It is hard but it is needed. Educate yourself of what you need to change. Your future self will thank you. What are the things you need to remove in your new season?
Her energy was a moxie.
She stood tall above the rest.
She’s an anomaly.
Her magic was insurmountable.
Society wants to delegitimize her power but she stands tall.
Her magic shines.
I understand the long wait because I am still waiting at 27. No sex without marriage…it is what it is. I have Biblical reasons but there are personal reasons why I am waiting. Yes, people find me crazy, traditional, and naive. I even had someone tell me “how will you know what you like.” But I am waiting for my God-given partner and I do not need to settle.
Yvonne Orji is an actress and yes, she is waiting too. Her words are so real to me. Being a virgin seems strange to society…like it’s some disorder or disease I need to be cured of. It’s NOT. I want God’s best for me. I want to best too. Enjoy!!
In the world we live in, important values tend to take a backseat to greed, sin, violence, and many harmful things. So Mama B wants to break the cycle and give you values to keep in mind.
- Love Jesus. I am biased but Jesus has never steered me wrong. Jesus has a purpose for you. Jesus loves you so much He went on the Cross and rose. What greater love can you find.
- Love yourself. There is one YOU. Value who you are. No person can love you, besides Jesus, that could fill the insecurities you deal with.
- Find your purpose. I believe that we are all placed on this Earth for a reason. It may take time but to live in your purpose is a great feeling.
- Listen and learn from people. As humans, we are created differently. We may not all agree but you can learn from one another.
- Kindness goes a long way.
- Have good character. You can make or break your reputation based on your character.
A few of many values I have but this is a start. Love you all.
Your attitude reflects how your day, week, month, and year. Have an attitude of gratitude. Take life with a grain of sand. Take life one step at a time. Things will get better. You are more relieved with an attitude of gratitude. Day by day, minute by minute, a grateful attitude will take you farther than you can imagine.
In our society and even within the black community, black women get a bad reputation. I have been told by black men that they would not want to date a black woman. I have seen comedians, celebrities, and social media folks have their “theory of black women.” Some of society’s opinions of black women include, but are not limited to, too loud, too demanding, too much attitude, too much drama, “just too much,” etc.
Real Talk: BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT BUILT THE SAME.
I know beautiful, smart black women who are not like that at all. I believe we, black women, are brassy: shamelessly bold. We love hard, we work hard, and we hustle hard.
Real Talk: For your information, I do not need to men to validate who I am. So your opinion is not needed.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. I am not perfect but I am not disposable. I am growing into a smart, brassy, African American Princess of the King of Kings. He made no mistake on me. He calls me Beloved. He does not delegitimize my worth based on my color and societal stereotypes. I am shamelessly bold and Blissfully Bianca.
Real Talk: To the critics, deal with the black girl magic or get to steppin cause Mama B don’t need you.
So I had my last Barrister’s Ball (Law School Prom) this past weekend. I felt very beautiful….dare I say it, SEXY!! That is a word I am not really described as on a regular basis. But my mom made me realize something. She said you are a beautiful, smart, sexy woman. My mom said woman and I was taken back. I am a now a woman in my mother’s eyes. Crazy!!!
I am on the cusp of greatness. It is hard for me to picture that I am a woman called by the Creator to live a set-apart life in this day in age. Sometimes I still think I am an 18 year old trying to figure things out. I do not know if I could ever see this girl in the picture as me in the future. But look what God can do!! I am Me. I am really living out my dreams. I am a beautiful, smart, talented, sexy woman. I never would have expected my life to be the way it now. But God knew what He was doing.
By December, I will be a law school graduate. By next February, I will have taken the Bar. After that, I do not know. Knowing that scares me. I am really on the cusp of what God put me on this Earth to do. Wow! What a concept!
I feel like I am climbing up the mountains of life. I know that the top is within reach. With every step I take, I am changing my view. I am seeing new horizons. I do fall on some valleys but I keep climbing. I do not know what the future holds but I do know my greatness is because of the Greatest.
I am on the cusp of greatness.
I don’t know about you but I thought my parents were SO uncool in my pre-teen and teen years. My parents ran a Haitian household in America. My parents are God-fearing Christians who love their children. My parents had rules and standards that I thought was too much. Now, as an adult, I see how blessed I am to have to have their love, discipline, and guidance.
So here are some of the many ordinary lessons I live by thanks to mom and dad.
- You can never go wrong with following Christ. As I grow in my faith, He has not failed me once. The world’s opinion tends to fade away the older I get. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Some people actually want you to fail. But God’s intentions is to give you a life abundant in Him. Following Him is the best decision I made.
- Be a good citizen. Now I was always confused when my mom said “Be a good citizen” every time I left the house. What my mom meant was to have good character everywhere you go. Have integrity, be kind, be trustworthy, be respectful. Believe it or not, I got a Citizenship Award in school and it clicked. Actions speak louder than words.
- Never envy another person’s life because you do not know what they did to attain that lifestyle. As a kid growing up, my mom always said “I send you to school to learn, not to have a fashion show.” My parents did provide clothes, food, and supplies to live on. I did not have or wear the latest trends. My parents wanted me to show off my mind. And showing my mind has paid off because I am almost done with law school. Besides, some of the beautiful people that I went to high school with are not all well off. The uncool kid is going places, thanks mom and dad.
- Give. I saw my parents give their time and resources to help people. They never forget where they came from. My parents did not have the life I had but that did not stop them from giving to others. My Heavenly Father and earthly parents have given so much to me. So I will give back as they give to me.
- Be You. My parents always say that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am smart, beautiful and kind.” Not everyone in the world will like me. But my parents say to be me in spite of it. So I will be Blissfully Me.
So I will encourage you with my parents’ ordinary lessons of life. They have truly made the difference in my life. Take these ordinary steps and experience the extraordinary changes that come with it.
It has been an interesting time in my life. For 26 years, there has been a part of me that I chose not reveal to people. I have just kept it to myself because I felt like I would be judged and criticized. A little bit about me, one thing I have struggled with is being liked. I always wanted to be liked by everyone even if it meant concealing parts of myself.
The older I get, the more I start living more for me. The older I get, the more I care less about what other people think about me. The older I get, the less I tolerate the toxic things and people who bring me down. The older I get, the more I want respect for who I chose to be.
Recently, I said on social media that I am a Democrat who loves Jesus and His Word. WOW!! That happened. At first, I felt like I was letting people down and fooling my friends into thinking that I was something that I never was to begin with. But then, I felt a release of 26 years of hiding my political party. My political party is not the sum total of who I am but part of who I am. I should not be afraid but be brave even if that means some will not like what I say or shun me for my beliefs.
My mom has always told me that I am brave for moving to a new city, trying new things, living on my own, and the list goes on. I never understood why she said that. I merely did what I had to do. But as usual, my mom is right and I am wrong. I was being brave by trying and stepping outside of what I am use to.
“Small steps of faith can turn into big breakthroughs of bravery.” So be brave, friends. No one is living your life unless you let them. Take little steps of bravery.
It is still a process but I am more open to speak my mind, speak God’s truth, and continue to spread positivity and love (cause the world needs that). But that is my life as “brave” Bianca.