27 Years In the Single Oasis

27 Years In the Single Oasis

Every year that I am on this Earth, I like to take an inventory of each single year.

In Year 27, still single. I have graduated from law school (big deal). Yes, I moved back home with my family. I still paint and enjoy myself.

Since graduating, my big question is after the Bar and finding employment, what is next? Love for me is finding a companion and life partner. I really want that. There are days where I feel like maybe this is it, maybe my earthly life will be spent single. The older I get, the more that feeling occurs. It’s kinda like I have given up on finding him and let other people pray for him. I’m so into myself and I don’t know if another person can fit my life.

I know what you are thinking:

“Bianca, aren’t you being dramatic!?!”

“You’re so awesome.”

“You will find him when you least expect it”

“I found my husband at age (fill in the blank)”

and all of the above encouraging responses.

Yeah I hear you but what I feel is what I feel.

I have noticed that my convictions and beliefs truly scare people. I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I have never been in a nightclub or lounge nor do I ever intend to. I don’t believe in hookups, one night stands, or experimenting. If you are with me, we are exclusively together. That alone makes the boys run away from the yard, jump over the fence and sprint as far away from me as possible. Even Christian guys have ran for the hills because I am a clean girl…like too clean..like extra virgin olive oil (what does that mean!?!).

The story goes: The good ones are taken. The bad ones I abstain from. The ones left over…well nothing…just nothing to my liking or his. So there goes my dilemma. 

I am traditional with a modern twist. Yes, I believe in women empowerment but I like a guy to hold the door for me, pay for dinners (the first few), and chivalry. But I also believe in respect..I’m not just a girl looking to get married, be barefoot and pregnant, and forget my career and my personality. I want to be appreciated that I am smart and talented too…no patriarchal roles (I am Man, You are Woman. Make me a sandwich..JERK MUCH!).

I know my worth so I know I can’t settle for anyone. I have waited my whole life for the best even if that means I get married at 30, 35, 40 or beyond. That is something I have decided. I chose to wait because my heart is fragile and important to my well-being. I have seen people in my life whose hearts have been destroyed physically, emotionally, and mentally by a man who says “I Love You.” I could not bear that so I am single: to guard my heart. Call me weird,  too traditional, naive, extra virgin, a clean girl, uptight, not fun.I want the best so I guess I will wait for the best. I will not dim who I am to settle.

I’m not a dry desert of single life but an oasis of one. Life is good but I want more. Who does not want more for their life.? I do. My oasis has my family, my friends, my career (future career), my talents, my extroverted qualities, and good things. It’s all good but where is that male companion for life? Let’s see if Year 28 is the year. If nothing, then I still have my oasis.

Dim

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Word from Mama B!

A Word from Mama B!

Just Be.

It is important when you are single to be the person you want to be.

Never stop evolving.

Don’t dim that light.

Take on new experiences.

Your life is not incomplete because it’s just you.

It is the beginning of something greater.

Wear your banner with pride.

Just Be.

Dim

Blissfully,

Bianca

TedTalk Thursday- The Wait Is Sexy

TedTalk Thursday- The Wait Is Sexy

I understand the long wait because I am still waiting at 27. No sex without marriage…it is what it is. I have Biblical reasons but there are personal reasons why I am waiting. Yes, people find me crazy,  traditional, and naive. I even had someone tell me “how will you know what you like.” But I am waiting for my God-given partner and I do not need to settle.

Yvonne Orji is an actress and yes, she is waiting too. Her words are so real to me. Being a virgin seems strange to society…like it’s some disorder or disease I need to be cured of. It’s NOT. I want God’s best for me. I want to best too. Enjoy!!

Blissfully,

Bianca

Blissful Reasons Why I Could Never Be The Black Bachelorette

Blissful Reasons Why I Could Never Be The Black Bachelorette

636307302514747894-146144-0177So I was intrigued. The first African-American Bachelorette made her debut on primetime television. I have never watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette series but I made an exception. While turned on by the beautiful male specimen, I also thought about Rachel, the Bachelorette. I could never do what she has decided to do: To catapult into love by picking a guy from a group of strangers in a matter of months.

Here are some reasons why I could never be the Black Bachelorette:

  1. I have a group of men surrounding me and wanting my attention. I love men. I am an extrovert. But 31 men surrounding me would make me claustrophobic.
  2. I am too awkward for TV. I have to express my quirky, awkward self  to a guy on national television. NO WAY!
  3. I do not like being alone with a guy. Weird, I know but let me explain. Things like  “Hey, can I steal you away?” “Let’s go out and talk.” or a guy pulling me or taking my hand and making me go with him. I do not function like that. I need witnesses around me and public moments before I can trust being alone with a guy.
  4. My heart is one organ so I can’t split it to every guy on the show. Too many men to keep up with.  I do not know how to juggle men. Some girls consider that a talent. I do not know how to serial date so yeah…
  5. I am traditional. You have to work for the benefits of me. The physical aspects will not be instant; I need to be comfortable with you and really have a connection with you. Kissing comes after several dates, not the first date. Meeting my family and important people in my life is a big step. I date for marriage not for a fling. A ring means access to privacy in the bedroom. I don’t give myself easily to men.
  6. I don’t function well with heartbreak. No one does but I am dedicated and trusting. I am very sensitive. I think of Proverbs 4:23-Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. So I don’t give my heart to anyone.

So, you will not see me on the Bachelor or Bachelorette..sorry ya’ll. I will fall in love the old-fashion way.  I am smart (future lawyer), kind, loyal, creative, loveable Christ-IMG_1064follower. Call me crazy but I guard my feelings and heart. Good luck to Rachel and her path to love. People fall in love in different ways but traditional is the way I roll. Maybe there is someone out there for me or not. Either way, I will get a dog. But loving myself, God, and the people who love me for me is my path of love.

Catapult

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Word from Mama B!

A Word from Mama B!

Can Mama B be real with you?

I have found my voice!! Not literally, but figuratively. I loved to be liked and loved by everyone. People’s opinions mattered to me.

Fast forward to today, my voice is much loud and bolder. I am not being too obnoxious but I know what I deserve in life. My God says that I can have life abundantly in Him and that does not include negative, toxic people. Elimination of toxic people make my life freer to things that matter like school, family, my true friends, and most importantly, God.

It was hard at first cutting people off because I would be hurting their feelings. But, I needed peace of mind.

So I will encourage you with this:

If you value myself, you won’t give people discounts to hurt you or pull you down.There are moments where it is ok to be selfish and take care of your well-being. You deserve to love and be loved by genuine people who have your best interest at heart.  

Mama B loves you so take care of yourself and everything will work out for the better.

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Word from Mama B!

A Word from Mama B!

Over dinner with friends, of course love and relationships  is part of the dinner conversation. We talked about experiences regarding broken hearts, awkward love situations, etc. A recent experience gave me the wonderful phrase: Be the main dish, not the side dish. 

Mama B’s definition of a side dish is something or someone who is replaceable. You can have as many sides as you want at different times. You are pretty much temporary. There is no certainty that you could get chosen. You are just one of many. NOT THE WAY TO GO.

The main dish is something that is #1. You need it and want it.  The relationship meal is not complete without the main dish. You love it and you don’t need anything else to compliment it. It just is.

What I mean by this Mama B-ism is that: Do not settle by having someone play with your heart and emotions. You deserve to love and be loved. Value yourself and realize that you deserve to be the main event, not something on the side.

 

For Example: You want to be the steak, not the mashed potatoes that could be replaced with french fries that could be replaced with asparagus that could be replaced with green beans.  

Or you have the option of picking two sides. You pick two sides, asparagus and mashed potatoes (but french fries and green beans get hurt and left out)

You want to be the Steak in this scenario.

This goes for the ladies and the guys. Be the main dish, not the side dish. Sometimes food is the way I reference life situations. Don’t question the analogy. Just live like you are the main dish, not the side dish.

Blissfully,

Bianca

P.S. Side dishes should be for lunch and dinner, not love and relationships.

A Word from Mama B!

A Word from Mama B!

Can Mama B be real with you? As a single lady, the older I get, the less things bother me.

From my teen years into my early 20s, I would think of my ideal guy and think that I found him in someone. I would dream about dates we would have, our futures, the cute selfies we would take, becoming “Facebook official,” the romantic surprises/flowers that I would post on social media in order to make my friends jealous, etc.

My reality was either he saw me as a friend/sister than a girlfriend or he liked someone else (NO!!). I would have a  Taylor Swift, “Teardrops on My Guitar” moment and feel inadequate as a woman. Then, thoughts of “forever alone” and “single till the rapture” takes over and “I will never find someone”.

Fast forward to today: Recently I had feelings for someone and one of the usual scenarios occurred AND NOTHING HAPPENED!! WHAT!?!

Yup, nothing happened. I said ok and moved on. What was the difference between my teens/early 20s to now? Math.

Yes, math. Don’t stop reading!! Follow me on this.

When I was younger, I thought a relationship was the sum total of my life. Everything I am and and do depends on living up to impress a guy. If I did not find someone, it was something I did to mess up everything. I thought that if I could live up to a guy’s expectations, then I would be the perfect girlfriend. Right? WRONG!!!!

Now 2016, finding someone is an addition to who I am as a person. A guy is not the sum total of who I am.  I have a path that God has designed for me. God has provided so many blessings for me. A relationship would be another addition to the blessings I already have. If a guy does not have feelings for me, then God is doing me a favor.

Life goes on. I still have my education, my family, my friends, my health, etc.  God defines who I am. And God knows my heart and my desires. God (if He does)  has someone designed for me: Someone that fits me and I do not have to limit or compromise who I am to please him. We will grow together, challenge one another, be equally yoked to each other, and follow Christ together. But now, I am just Bianca, and I am content with that.

To my SINGLE guys and gals, your value does not revolve around a relationship or finding someone. God values and loves you. Yes, YOU!! He sent His Son, Jesus to die for you and He ROSE after three days!! He is the Ultimate Matchmaker. Value and love yourself. The right person will come along.

This is a lesson that I have and continue to learn about love and relationships. I cannot speak for all single people but this is my take.

Blissfully,

Bianca