Every year that I am on this Earth, I like to take an inventory of each single year.
In Year 27, still single. I have graduated from law school (big deal). Yes, I moved back home with my family. I still paint and enjoy myself.
Since graduating, my big question is after the Bar and finding employment, what is next? Love for me is finding a companion and life partner. I really want that. There are days where I feel like maybe this is it, maybe my earthly life will be spent single. The older I get, the more that feeling occurs. It’s kinda like I have given up on finding him and let other people pray for him. I’m so into myself and I don’t know if another person can fit my life.
I know what you are thinking:
“Bianca, aren’t you being dramatic!?!”
“You’re so awesome.”
“You will find him when you least expect it”
“I found my husband at age (fill in the blank)”
and all of the above encouraging responses.
Yeah I hear you but what I feel is what I feel.
I have noticed that my convictions and beliefs truly scare people. I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I have never been in a nightclub or lounge nor do I ever intend to. I don’t believe in hookups, one night stands, or experimenting. If you are with me, we are exclusively together. That alone makes the boys run away from the yard, jump over the fence and sprint as far away from me as possible. Even Christian guys have ran for the hills because I am a clean girl…like too clean..like extra virgin olive oil (what does that mean!?!).
The story goes: The good ones are taken. The bad ones I abstain from. The ones left over…well nothing…just nothing to my liking or his. So there goes my dilemma.
I am traditional with a modern twist. Yes, I believe in women empowerment but I like a guy to hold the door for me, pay for dinners (the first few), and chivalry. But I also believe in respect..I’m not just a girl looking to get married, be barefoot and pregnant, and forget my career and my personality. I want to be appreciated that I am smart and talented too…no patriarchal roles (I am Man, You are Woman. Make me a sandwich..JERK MUCH!).
I know my worth so I know I can’t settle for anyone. I have waited my whole life for the best even if that means I get married at 30, 35, 40 or beyond. That is something I have decided. I chose to wait because my heart is fragile and important to my well-being. I have seen people in my life whose hearts have been destroyed physically, emotionally, and mentally by a man who says “I Love You.” I could not bear that so I am single: to guard my heart. Call me weird, too traditional, naive, extra virgin, a clean girl, uptight, not fun.I want the best so I guess I will wait for the best. I will not dim who I am to settle.
I’m not a dry desert of single life but an oasis of one. Life is good but I want more. Who does not want more for their life.? I do. My oasis has my family, my friends, my career (future career), my talents, my extroverted qualities, and good things. It’s all good but where is that male companion for life? Let’s see if Year 28 is the year. If nothing, then I still have my oasis.
Blissfully,
Bianca
So I was intrigued. The first African-American Bachelorette made her debut on primetime television. I have never watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette series but I made an exception. While turned on by the beautiful male specimen, I also thought about Rachel, the Bachelorette. I could never do what she has decided to do: To catapult into love by picking a guy from a group of strangers in a matter of months.
follower. Call me crazy but I guard my feelings and heart. Good luck to Rachel and her path to love. People fall in love in different ways but traditional is the way I roll. Maybe there is someone out there for me or not. Either way, I will get a dog. But loving myself, God, and the people who love me for me is my path of love.